I'm waiting for the right time to post this.. After Dance Xplosion maybe..? I don't want to post it now as it will affect the dance.. I don't know.. We'll see.. This is a post where i'm starting from this date 28 Apr 2008.. It's a final post regarding you.. I feel like crying just writing the 1st few sentences.. I'm still trying to not love you and just be friends.. If this is being posted, it means that i really can't not love you..

Right now, you're resting.. You're very stress due to your work submission on this wednesday and you haven't start.. Relax k.. I know.. You will say "i'm tryna".. I'm stress typing this post.. 1stly.. You.. 2ndly.. My mother was so super nice to me 2day. Even though i didn't go home yesterday.. She was supposed to scold me like always as the next day was a schooling day.. I never overnight if the next day is a schooling day b4 except for when i ran away from home.. And i just got to know that she has a lump inside her.. I didn't get to know from her.. But from my cousin.. I love you mummy.. Now we're chatting.. I'm crying and u're crying bcoz of your uncle being warded.. Let's hope that everything will turn out to be fine.. You're making things so much harder.. You're being so super nice now.. I'm gonna leave you soon.. And you won't know till you read this post.. I'm sorry..


29th & 30th April 2008
Things were getting better.. You said lots of nice things towards me on msn.. Really made me go Aww~.. Which of coz made things so hard.. We talked on the phone.. Then u want to delete one of my videos from your favourites.. Then i said don't laa.. Then you said nvm laa later you guys think i'm disturbing you guys.. Then i said.. Nvm laa.. Next time when you sad you can watch that and be happy.. And you said "when u finally leave me right.." I was shocked like duhh~ I didn't give you the answer.. It was hard.. That line that you said almost made me cry on the spot but i was talking to you.. Didn't want to make it obvious.. So.. I'm guessing that u're prepared.. Yes.. I'm leaving you.. When you read this you'll know..


1st & 2nd May 2008
You're making me feel worst.!! Now a days, everytime i meet you, it has to be with him.. And you'll make me feel arrrgghhh~ Like i've said.. I don't blame you for that.. I'm trying so hard to not love you.. Trying to fade off slowly.. THERE.! you're hurting me again.. Your msn is all about him.. Your display pic. Your personal msg.. Again, it's not your fault.. Sometimes i just feel like i'm being used.. You will treat me so super damn good only when u're not with him.. When u're with him, things are so different.. Well.. i understand.. He's your boyfy.. I can't blame anyone for that except me..


6th May 2008
Soo, you fought with him coz u said u're with me.. See.. i'm causing u problems also.. Sorry for tat.. Don't think u realised that i've been sick.. Nvm.. And u're treating me like so nice.. why.?!! ok ya i know. I'm a treasurable friend. But don't be. I wanna not like you.


7th May 2008
So yeah.. I'm sick and really not in a good mood.. I'm expecting you to be there for me.. I thought.. Right now, i just need someone.. N you treats me like i'm just there when u're lonely.. When u're not lonely, my name just disappears from ur phonebook.. Well. ya. U're not single anymore.. how can i 4get.


8th May 2008
It feels like as if u read my drafts.. This is not posted but you seemed to know.. It was just yesterday that i feel like u're using me and all of a sudden u were there for me that night.. Things were great. I can't deny that you made me happy today.. Like real happy..


10th May 2008
The days gets worst.. You kept on having problems. All i had to do is just listen and pretend it didn't hurt me*not for family problems or about your school*.. Was just trying very hard to be just a friend.. That is the thing with you, you never know when you're in the wrong.. And yaa.. Tk layan eh the whole day.. With the boyfy already then put me aside.. No calls/msg. Until i saw u online at msn.. If you wanna avoid me, just tell me.. Coz i want to avoid you as well.. I can't wait till Dance Xplosion is over.. I can't pretend anymore.. Just tell me, who on earth can stand hearing someone you love talking about a person he/she loves. I want to just feel nothing when you say that. But i can't.


11th May 2008
Didn't want to call you actually.. But yeah.. Ended up calling you. Actually called you just to ask regarding practice 2moro but.. You started talking about so many things.. And i also gatal asked you about your day.. So yeah.. And then, things were fine till he called.. Every conversation will have a point of time where there's him in it..

Why am i so stupid.!!!!! HE's NO LONGER SINGLE.! Come on.! I'll just be hurt if i continue loving him..


14th May 2008
So yeah.. I've been really trying to cut down on time spent talking to you or meeting you.. There's just so many things i wish i could say but yeah... Have to think of what will happen.. Just hearing that you going to overnight with him makes me .... But yeah.. It's not your fault. It's just the envy in me.. It has to stop.! I need a cat to love..


18th May 2008
So yesterday was our auditions for DX 3. I've been trying to care less about you which is my bit*hy moments towards you. But everytime when i care less, you'll go "SEE LA.! THIS IS WHAT I DON'T LIKE TAU.! There he goes again.." I'm like.. *Hellloooo~ Can't you see that i'm trying to not like you.??* But obviously it was hard for me laa. You think i like doing that.? Then hear you shout at me like that. It's not easy you know. And you still don't get it do you. Why sometimes you're with him and i don't give you a nice goodbye. It's bcoz.. I don't want him to be upset bcoz you were like huggin me. I don't hug u back. It might hurt him. Trust me. I know. I don't want to be known as a boyfriend stealer you know. Am still thinking if to post this or not. I hope i can get this drama over with. Why you always like to do this.? When i'm about to leave you, you'll be so super nice to me and like put magic on me to make me not leave you. For example yesterday. And yes, 7th of march is a date that is related to you. Go find it out yourself. And KS, don't blame him bcoz i won't be close with you guys for some time. It's also partly you guys that made me fall for him more. Remember ayeen.?? I'm gonna give like 4 more days.. If i really still can't treat you as just a friend, i don't wish to even know you anymore. I don't want to have a time where i think of you. I don't wanna care anymore. Find me weird or wat-so-ever. All i can say is tat i'm not the same as most people.


19th May 2008
You asked me to go to your blog to find elly's link. I went there and duhh~ i read your post. It was painful. Reading about you and someone else. And i'm not blaming you couple for doing what couples should do. It's just the envy in me.*tears rolling down* So. I've had enough. I wanna erase you. I wanna not know about you. Right now. Waiting for the song to complete sending in msn. And i'm gonna post this. I'm going for the Dewa dewi later maybe. How to avoid you? idk. Maybe i might not be going. We'll see.. One more thing. I wanna see you in the dance scene more aight.!


As you can see, there are just too many painful encounters for me since you're back with him.. *PS it's not that i hate him or anything* I'm still angry that you went back to him actually. I was there for you before you went back to him. But like i've said, i can't force you to like me. This is what that's gonna happen.. You are going to delete my account in your msn. You are going to delete my no in your handphone. I will be doing the same. I can't do this anymore. I really cannot take it.. I like you alot. But i have to accept the fact that you're with him and not me. I've given my all and you choose him. So i'm gonna try to move on.. Don't you want me to be happy.? It's not that i'm not happy when i'm with you.. I am SUPER happy when i'm with you.. But sometimes.. The envy in me will rise so high.. And i will be hurt like alot.. I've been controlling like alot.. Find me when you think it's really the right time and i'll find you only when i think it's the right time.. *PS i might still be waiting.. We'll be friends when the time is right.. It may sound childish but i really don't think that i can stand this pain anymore.. To me, I don't think it's childish. It's to make me feel better somehow. I'm sorry.. It was super nice knowing you and it's super hard leaving. I will miss you alot and you'll miss me*i guess* but it's for the best.. Work with me. You're a damn nice and sweet person.. I'll be happy when i see you're happy.. Again, find me childish, drama or watever but i know it's for the better.. Don't feel bad or anything k.?


To he's lover, I'm sorry.. It's just that when you love someone you'll really want that person right.? Yes, i really love him but i'm also thinking that you as my friend have feelings.. That's why i've been trying to not love him.. Cheer up aite.! There won't be anymore.. :)


I believe that love is fair.. If you love someone, go for that someone *IF HE/SHE's SINGLE*.